I want you to know WHO I AM is not really WHO YOU SEE.
I’m not a woman without needs, desperate to be fulfilled.
I’m multifaceted; a being with endless sides and eternal feelings.
I’m not simple, nor am I always complex.
I’m ever-changing. Adapting. Morphing.
I’m sharper than the view behind your lens yet dimmer than the glow from above the pedestal you don’t put me on.
I want you to know that while I may have been YOUR ONLY OPTION, you were MY ONLY CHOICE.
My vision was tunneled with you dead center.
You saw a kindness that worked to your advantage.
My nerves frayed from the anticipation of giving myself wholly to you.
Yours were numb with the apathy that I was always shown.
My fingers calloused from each time you slipped away when all I wanted was to cherish you a little longer.
Yours were smooth and wouldn’t recognize my skin from a stranger’s.
I want you to know that BEAUTY may be in the eye of the beholder, but so is BLINDNESS.
For each struggle you helped me through, I only saw generosity.
It was your way of holding power over me, keeping me weak and in your grace.
For each secret fear I whispered to you in confidence, I gifted trust.
It was your chance to find my every weakness and pen them down to safe-keep until you were ready to bring them to daylight again.
For each thread of affection you tied around me, I double-knotted it with a hope that string held me together a little longer.
It was your method of binding me without you having to be tied down in return.
I want you to know that WITH TIME comes age, and WITH AGE comes wisdom.
I do feel the disconnect breaking the bond we never truly shared.
Did you think I’d never grow to see your lack of attachment?
I do accept the pain that comes with the realization that some puzzle pieces will never fit, no matter how hard I try to mash them together.
Did you hope I’d continue to be the ever-losing player in your game?
I do know I want what we don’t have, even if it comes at a high price.
Did you plan on me never being able to pay it?
I want you to know there are many things I will NEVER BE, but just as many that I’ve ALWAYS BEEN.
I will never be everything to you, but I’ve always been the universe to another.
You just don’t know we’re still searching for each other.
I will never be regretful of our time together, but I’ve always been one to discover life’s lessons the hard way.
You just may have your chance now, too.
I will never be the obligation, the second thought, the last option ever again.
You just need to accept that as I have.
I want you to know that who I am is not really who you see.
Because I see beauty. I see worthiness. I see achievement and ambition and admiration. I see self-fulfillment. I see peace.
I want you to know that someone else will someday see it too.