I Want You to Know…

I want you to know WHO I AM is not really WHO YOU SEE.

I’m not a woman without needs, desperate to be fulfilled.

I’m multifaceted; a being with endless sides and eternal feelings.

I’m not simple, nor am I always complex.

I’m ever-changing. Adapting. Morphing.

I’m sharper than the view behind your lens yet dimmer than the glow from above the pedestal you don’t put me on.

 

I want you to know that while I may have been YOUR ONLY OPTION, you were MY ONLY CHOICE.

My vision was tunneled with you dead center.

You saw a kindness that worked to your advantage.

My nerves frayed from the anticipation of giving myself wholly to you.

Yours were numb with the apathy that I was always shown.

My fingers calloused from each time you slipped away when all I wanted was to cherish you a little longer.

Yours were smooth and wouldn’t recognize my skin from a stranger’s.

 

I want you to know that BEAUTY may be in the eye of the beholder, but so is BLINDNESS.

For each struggle you helped me through, I only saw generosity.

It was your way of holding power over me, keeping me weak and in your grace.

For each secret fear I whispered to you in confidence, I gifted trust.

It was your chance to find my every weakness and pen them down to safe-keep until you were ready to bring them to daylight again.

For each thread of affection you tied around me, I double-knotted it with a hope that string held me together a little longer.

It was your method of binding me without you having to be tied down in return.

 

I want you to know that WITH TIME comes age, and WITH AGE comes wisdom.

I do feel the disconnect breaking the bond we never truly shared.

Did you think I’d never grow to see your lack of attachment?

I do accept the pain that comes with the realization that some puzzle pieces will never fit, no matter how hard I try to mash them together.

Did you hope I’d continue to be the ever-losing player in your game?

I do know I want what we don’t have, even if it comes at a high price.

Did you plan on me never being able to pay it?

 

I want you to know there are many things I will NEVER BE, but just as many that I’ve ALWAYS BEEN.

I will never be everything to you, but I’ve always been the universe to another.

You just don’t know we’re still searching for each other.

I will never be regretful of our time together, but I’ve always been one to discover life’s lessons the hard way.

You just may have your chance now, too.

I will never be the obligation, the second thought, the last option ever again.

You just need to accept that as I have.

 

I want you to know that who I am is not really who you see.

Because I see beauty. I see worthiness. I see achievement and ambition and admiration. I see self-fulfillment. I see peace.

I want you to know that someone else will someday see it too.

 

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